Heartbeat
by anotherlifeontheinternet
Summary: Placing her hand over his heart helped reassure Erin that Jay was here with her. That he wasn't dead or a world away surrounded by war. One-Shot based on the events of 3x17!
**A/N: Hi! I know I am constantly being distracted by writing one-shots to actually update my chapter stories, which will be updated in the next few weeks - for real this time. But, this prompt was just to good to give up! It comes from my friend Nessa (OthxCpdxSoph - on twitter)! So, please read and then review to let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer: These wonderful characters, of course, belong to Dick Wolf**

Erin climbed the steps to Jay's apartment, carrying his favorite take-out and spinning her copy of his key between her fingers. She knew he was still at the bar with Dr. Choi and Mouse, but Erin also knew her boyfriend would want to come home to sesame chicken, chicken fried rice, and an eggroll.

When Jay had kissed her cheek at the end of the funeral and mumbled something about meeting Ethan and Mouse at Molly's, Erin just nodded and placed her hand gently on his chest, feeling his heartbeat, before he could go any further.

It was similar to the action she had done in the garage when he returned from the ambush. She had never seen him look so disheveled and out of it. There was blood smeared against his cheek and Erin felt her heart break. The only thing she could think to do was wrap him up in her arms and never let him go. It could have been him that was shot in that alley. Erin could have lost him.

As soon as that thought filled her mind, Jay had pulled away from her hug, asked how his friend was doing at Med, and Erin felt guilty. One of Jay's friends was lying on the operating table and she was thanking her lucky stars Jay was alive.

Turning her key in his lock, Erin shuffled into the apartment and threw the key onto the table next to the door. Placing the food on the kitchen counter, Erin plopped herself on the couch,turned on the TV, and opened up her take out.

Erin figured she would only get through half of her food, thirty minutes into movie, and then Jay would be home lying on the couch with her.

She thought about that two hours ago when the movie was just beginning, her box of lo mein was full, and half of the sesame chicken was not gone.

Erin had yet to receive a text from Jay that he was on his way home or just checking in with her and she was beginning to grow worried. It wasn't like him to not check in and it wasn't like it was that late, she was just worried.

A sudden ring from her phone startled Erin from her half asleep state of mind as she reached down and saw an unfamiliar number appear on the screen.

"Hello", she almost asked as she answered the phone.

"Erin", Jay's voice came through the phone after a second.

"Hey babe", Erin sighed in relief, a smile coming to her face when she heard her boyfriend's voice over the phone. "I'm at your place. I have your favorite takeout from that chinese place you love and there was a good movie on but it's over now", she began to ramble until she heard him sigh on the other line.

"Jay, what's wrong", she asked gently.

"Don't be mad", he began to start out. "Don't start your sentences like that", Erin cut him off quickly. If he was asking her not to be mad, whatever he was doing or had done would most likely make her mad.

Jay laughed lightly before continuing, "I got done with Mouse and Ethan at Molly's two hours ago and I went to talk to Voight. And now I am in Wisconsin", he said.

Erin didn't know what to say. "I am fine, Erin. I just needed some time away, clear my head a little bit", he continued to speak.

Once again, Erin couldn't come up with a response for her boyfriend. He was distraught and instead of coming home to her, he had decided to drive to Wisconsin to be alone in the woods. Yet, she wasn't upset. Erin was more worried about him being alone after everything that had happened the past couple days, than she was upset.

"Erin", Jay's voice called out from the other end of the phone.

"Just be safe, okay", she answered.

"You're not mad", Jay asked surprised. "No, I am not mad. Just don't do anything stupid. I need you around for the long haul, Halstead", Erin joked.

Erin could practically imagine the smile that spread across Jay's face as the words left her mouth. "I promise I'll be home tomorrow afternoon", he said.

"And I will be here waiting for you", Erin answered.

"I'll see you then,babe", Jay ended the conversation.

Erin subconsciously had the phone still up to her ear as she heard the end tone ringing in her ears. "Love you", she whispered into the silent phone and the emptiness of Jay's apartment.

 _xxx_

Jay awoke to the sound of rain splashing harshly against the wood roof of his family's Wisconsin cabin. Opening his eyes, he looked around the living room and quickly remembered he had fallen asleep on the couch a couple hours after getting off the phone with Erin.

Jay knew when he had called her, that she would be understanding about his decision. She had been thoughtful and caring throughout the whole case involving the ambush on his side job. Those being just two of the reasons Jay had fallen in love with his partner.

Sitting up from the uncomfortable position on the couch, Jay came in eye contact with two empty beer bottles and open family albums laying on the table. He sighed, remembering what exactly he had done last night.

After hanging up the phone with Erin, Jay had pulled out a case of beer and the family albums his mom had work so diligently on when he was younger. Sometimes Jay would sit at the kitchen table and watch as his mother dated all of the pictures and even let him slip some of the pictures in the proper slot. Will, being the lovable older brother that he is, would always make fun of Jay for spending time doing 'girly stuff' with their mom. Jay didn't seem to mind his brother's teasing though. He loved spending time with his mom, even if it was just sitting at the kitchen table watching her put pictures in albums.

Flipping through a few pages, Jay stumbled across a picture of himself and Will when they were younger. They had both just got a fish in the lake in the backyard and they each had the biggest smiles on their faces. Jay laughed at the memory, remembering that shortly after his mother had taken that picture, Will had tried to shove his fish down Jay's shirt.

Just as he remembered Will's usual big brother antics, there was a rushed knock on the front door, startling Jay. Not knowing who it could be, Jay rose from the couch and opened the door to be met with a small soaking wet version of his girlfriend standing at the front door.

"Erin", Jay almost had to yell over the pouring rain.

"You forgot your toothbrush", she yelled in return, holding up his blue toothbrush. A soft smile graced his face as he was met with a similar one from his girlfriend.

"Get in here you goof", Jay laughed as he practically pulled her in from the rain. Slamming the door behind her, Erin threw her duffle bag down on the ground and removed her raincoat.

Looking around Erin took in the rustic beauty of Jay's family cabin. It was definitely nothing like she had imagined. The living room had a giant fireplace and a big living space. By quick glance, Erin had realized there was a fully finished kitchen with granite counter tops.

"How did you find this place", Jay asked as Erin turned her attention away from the beauty of the cabin towards him.

"Mouse gave me the address", she answered walking towards him. "It was just, after you hung up..I just...I love you okay", Erin blurted out. "And I love you so much, that yes, I am willing to get in the car and drive how ever many hours to be wherever you are", she continued.

Jay stood there, motionless, not wanting to cut her off from her small ramble. "I know what's it like to be alone and after this week, I don't wanna leave you alone. I want to be wherever you are because I am around for the long haul, Halstead", she finished.

"Because", Jay trailed off causing Erin to look completely confused, but it only took her a few moments to finally understand what he was hinting at.

"Because I love you", she said watching as a child-like grin overtook her boyfriend's face and before she knew it, his lips were on her's and he was lifting her off the ground.

It took Jay little effort to hoist Erin up, so she could wrap her legs around his waist, and lead them into the master bedroom. Jay could have sworn he heard Erin giggle as he laid her down on the king bed, and there was no way he was going to go without addressing it.

"Did you just giggle", Jay laughed. "Stop wasting time, Halstead", Erin rolled her eyes.

"I will once you answer my question", he teased hovering over her on the bed. "No, no, no. You have to answer mine first", Erin teased in return.

Jay raised his eyebrow, not quite sure what she was talking about. Leaning up, Erin slowly placed a kiss on Jay's lips and then moved her hands down to his shirt.

"Do you love me", she asked in a low whisper suddenly feeling self-conscious underneath him.

"I love you Erin Lindsay. And your giggles"

 _xxx_

"Erin, you are definitely not just getting a glass of water", Jay called out from the bedroom a few hours later.

"I got my glass of water. Don't worry Halstead, I didn't get lost in your giant house", Erin laughed from the main living area.

"Then you are definitely snooping out there", Jay laughed as he heard Erin's footsteps grow closer to the room.

Erin walked through the door wearing one of Jay's old t-shirts and carrying one of his mother's prized photo albums. "I think that I just stumbled across a baby Jay Halstead", Erin smiled as she took a jumped back on the bed next to Jay.

"Oh no, which picture", Jay laughed trying to take the album from her.

"There are so many", Erin laughed as she flipped through the pages. "But I think this one is my favorite", she said scooting closer to him and pointing to the picture.

There was a younger Jay, probably around the age of six or seven, wearing the navy blue fishing hat with tiny little fish stitched on it. He was holding a little fish with both of his hand's and to top it off he was missing a couple teeth.

"Well, if you like that one, I bet my mom took some more just like it", Jay said as he flipped the pages searching for more younger pictures of himself and Will.

Erin smiled as she leaned her head against his shoulder, watching him turn the pages. There seemed to be an endless number of pictures in the book. Each page alternated between pictures of Will and Jay together playing in the lake in the backyard or one of the boys with either their Mom or Dad.

"Wait that one", Erin stopped Jay from turning the pages as he finger landed on a picture of Will and Jay.

Jay must have been only six and Will probably eight years old in the photograph. They had just gotten finished swimming in the lake and Will, with a giant smile on his face, had Jay in a headlock. Surprisingly, Jay didn't look upset, instead he had a giant smile on his face that equally matched his brothers.

"What Will didn't realize was that after Mom took that picture, I was about to beat him at a cannonball competition", Jay laughed as the memories of his summers spent here came back to him.

"I don't know how that's possible! You were so tiny", Erin commented. "Hey, I had a perfect cannonball. Will's sucked", Jay began to defend his six-year old self.

Erin smiled as a peaceful silence began to fill the room, while Jay continued to turn the pages of the album. "Your Mom took all of these pictures", she asked suddenly.

Jay just gave a simple nod of the head. "Except for the ones she's in of course. She practically forced my Dad to take them. Always getting him to when she would say that line about memories needing to be preserved forever", he explained.

"Everything had to be perfect when we came here for those couple weeks in the summer because if just one thing went wrong, Mom would be heartbroken", Jay continued as he came across a picture of his mother with her arms wrapped around a younger version of himself on the couch in the living room.

"This was her favorite place", he finished in a low whisper.

Gently, Erin intertwined her hand with his own and kept her head leaning against his shoulder. She gave it a gentle squeeze, practically feeling his heartbeat race through his veins. "Is that why you come here", she asked.

"I just feel closer to her here", Jay explained with a shaky breath. "She supported me in everything that I did. Whether it was little league baseball or applying to be in the military instead of going to a fancy college like Will had done. She was there", he said.

"Whether the news was good or bad, she would still have that caring smile on her face when you told her", Jay laughed.

"Even when I told her about the destruction and death I saw when I was deployed", Jay's voice began to trail off.

"We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to", Erin quickly assured him. Before she had left Chicago, Mouse had told her the possible reason he wanted to be alone. He also explained that he had tried to speak to Jay about everything that happened, but he always refused.

"I like being here because as strange as it sounds, I know that she's watching over me here and somehow that reassures me that everything is going to be okay", Jay finished with a small smile on his face.

Erin smiled as she sat up straight and pressed a kiss against his cheek, before cuddling with him as they laid in bed. Silence filled the room again until Erin heard Jay's light laughter.

"What", Erin asked. "I was just thinking", Jay said before pausing and looking down at his girlfriend.

"My mom would have really liked you", he said honestly. He expected Erin to laugh, but instead a small blush crept on her cheeks and her face broke out into a smile.

"Not to get your hopes up, but mothers don't usually like me", she countered.

"You and Mom would have gotten along perfectly, minus the constant questions about when she will see grandkids", Jay said.

That made Erin laugh. "You really think your mom would like me", she asked again.

"Oh, definitely. But, not as much as I like you", Jay smiled causing Erin to roll her eyes.

"That's cheesy", Erin teased. "What are you gonna do about it Lindsay", Jay teased in return as he tickled her side causing her to break out in a fit of laughter.

"Okay! Okay! I'll let you get away with that cheesy joke", Erin said as she scooted away from him.

Smiling, Jay reached out and pulled her back to the center of the bed. Tucking her small frame under his shoulder, he gently placed a kiss on top of her head.

"I am glad you're here", Jay began. "I needed you here", he said after a moment of silence.

Erin smiled as she looked up at him and saw happiness in his eyes for the first time in what felt like a week. Placing her hand on the side of his face, Erin felt his heartbeat for the second time today. His heartbeat proved that he was here with her. That he wasn't dead or a world away surrounded by war. And in that moment Erin made a vow to herself.

"I will always be here"


End file.
